I am just waiting for men in white jackets to come and take me away... it seems inevitable. The thing that is crazy is that having a family and being a mother is something I've wanted to do ever since I was little. I remember watching my mom feed, rock and love my youngest brother and sister and just knew that was what I wanted. School was a struggle for me and in the back of my head I figured that I would get married, have kids, a clean house, a dog and stay at home... it all came true except for the clean house.
This is very embarrassing to admit but, I seriously wanted to be a Mormon June Cleaver... with the apron, pearls and infinite wisdom. My children were always going to be well-groomed in clean clothes, with nary a hair out of place, good manners, be best friends and NOT fight-ever, do so well in homeschool that they'd become physicists, brain surgeons, rocket scientists etc..., As for me I was going to ALWAYS have Family Home Evening, scripture study and my children would know all of the stories of the scriptures and be able to recite several memorized scriptures. The house would be immaculate, I'd make gourmet meals, and we'd have pleasant dinner conversation.
Here's reality: I really dislike washing laundry and so sometimes my kids wear jeans with holes, or shirts with stains. I'm lucky when I get out of my pajamas, shower and get dressed before noon! We do homeschool on the fly and not everyday, but my 6 year old reads on a 3rd grade level and loves to read and learn facts so, maybe he can still be a scientist. My boys have fairly good manners and say please and thank-you but, something about burping and farting is so hilarious they can't help but giggle as they're saying, "Excuse me". Family Home Evening is usually a no-go, I grew up with it and wanted it for the kids but I feel like no one listens and they complain, Ditto to scripture study, we do have family prayer so I guess we're not complete heathens. Oh, and the immaculate house... HA! Does that EVER happen with 3 boys 6 and under and a tired unmotivated mom? Cooking used to be fun... until all I would hear is, "Do I have to eat that?" "It would taste better if..." and "Noooo, not - insert healthy food name here-". On top of that, I have food intolerance, allergies, and now morning sickness, so family dinner and pleasant conversation is a bust.
I think I could handle all of this better if I didn't feel like I was lacking something in EVERY aspect of my life! Oh, did I mention that in our Sacrament Meeting (before I had to teach) the choir was singing a lovely musical number and then my 2 year old stood up on my lap and yelled very loudly, "Mom's Ba-gina" (translation vagina)?... I just wanted to crawl under a pew and DIE! Then as I'm struggling to keep him quiet my DH starts to laugh and then so do I. Yeah, that was a bad parenting moment. It also makes me wonder if I should have told them the anatomically correct name for genitalia, and the difference between boys and girls. You see, my youngest thinks everyone has a penis and I thought I should correct him, and this is my punishment.
I love my boys more than anything and enjoy watching them grow and learn... however, I'm learning that things often don't go how you envisioned them... sometimes they're better and sometimes worse. Just remember, parenting isn't for the faint of heart!
10 comments:
I love it! It can be overwhelming to see what we aren't doing "right" in our lives, but I like to take a step back and feel the goodness we have, and I know for a fact that there is a lot of love in your house. Your children will always remember that love more than the piles of laundry.
On a side note- farting is always funny... it's a guy thing.
things are NEVER as you imagine them, although it's taken me 4 years to figure that one out. i've since revised my goals to include only a well-fed, well-loved, reasonably family. if i have alundry to fold & my kids want to rea da book, well, i bet you can guess which one gets done, lol! you are a great mom brandi. :) & i have to agree with the dudes on the farting-- it IS kinda funny...
;)
reasonable HAPPY family... sorry, sleep deprived typo above :P
Hugs! Everything is harder when you're pregnant. I bet your boys know that they are loved though :)
First of all, don't be embarrassed about wanting to be a Mormon June Cleaver, as you put it, LOL. I think a LOT of LDS women have felt that way. And the majority of us probably are nothing like that!
Secondly, I have recently come to my own realization about cleaning house. Right now, while I'm dealing with physical and emotional ailments, my first priority needs to be ME, and my family, cleaning house will come last.
Not only is FHE hard when you've got uncooperative kids, it's also hard to do when you have an uncooperative husband like *cough cough* On Monday, he kept wandering away (mentally AND physically) to do his own thing. It was very frustrating.
Thanks everyone! I appreciate hearing from all of you. If I am institutionalized I hope you'll come visit ;-)
Oh, Brandi, that is so funny. I love you! And I didn't know you were expecting! I'm excited for you!
On the realistic front, none of us are the mothers we planned to be. I'm just grateful Christ's Atonement makes up for what I lack and I hope my kids don't need TOO much therapy.
Turn off the negative voices in your head! None of us are perfect--we're only required to try to do our best! You're a good mother--don't ever give up.
I love it. Just what I needed to read. I think most of us are in the same boat.
Thanks so much for the kind comments everyone! Things are a little better now that I'm not so sick. I've also decided to allow my kids to help with dishes and mopping the kitchen and believe it or not the kitchen looks really nice for a change.
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